As Emy’s mommy and Chief Executive Officer of this Foundation I will never stop living her legacy or being the voice for her and those gone too soon. There is nothing in this world that will ever prepare you for the depth of heartache and brokenness you will feel when your child dies. 

The morning of February 17, 2019 when I found Emy’s lifeless body my heart literally ached. I immediately went into shock screaming and crying “Emy’s not breathing! Emy’s not breathing!” As a nurse, I knew she was gone, but I could not comprehend it. All I wanted was to wake up from the nightmare. Everything felt like a dream. All I could do was cry and ask “why?”. There were people everywhere; cops, first responders, paramedics, detectives, neighbors, and even strangers. I will never forget when the paramedics arrived. I was sitting on the floor against a wall and I watched them walk in with a red bag. I knew it was full of lifesaving measures and I thought to myself, they are going to bring her back. I had no concept of time or space especially in those moments, but it felt like a lifetime. When I saw the paramedics walk out with their heads hung low and their faces solemn and full of utter defeat with that red bag, I knew this was not a nightmare. This was now my reality. You truly cannot wrap your mind around losing your child. The very beat of my heart. Just twelve hours before she was full of life and joy. If you are a parent, you know the kind of love I am describing. It is a love like no other. 

What complicated this journey from the beginning was my mom, Emy, and I had temporarily moved to Shreveport, LA. My mom had been diagnosed with a very rare cancer and our home state did not offer the kind of radiation she needed. We were in Shreveport for approximately twelve weeks for daily radiation. Five weeks into our stay, Emy passed away. So there I was in another state with my mom who was undergoing cancer treatment and my healthy baby girl does not wake up! Emy’s body went to LSU Health where they performed an autopsy. No parent should ever have to plan a funeral, pay for a tiny white coffin, or pick out a headstone for their child. No matter the cause, it is not the natural life cycle. Emy had her whole life ahead of her and I had more memories to make with her. All the firsts, gone, and now left with the wonders of what her future would have been.

Emy’s life changed me; her death rearranged me; and now my purpose is to walk by faith and share our story. Within the first few days of Emy passing away, I can remember questioning “why, why God, why Emy?’ Yet, within those same words I would utter through tears, “If only one person comes to know the Lord through this tragedy, this is my why”. My why covers a multitude of reasons we started this foundation and to far greater depths than words can explain. My main reason is to bring honor and glory to my Lord and Savior because without His promise of eternity with Him and my girl, I would have no need for existence. I would have no purpose. But, He has me here for a reason and someone needs to hear our story of redemption and healing. That it is still possible to have a heart full of faith, hope, and love in Him. All while grieving what life should have been and trying to pick up the broken pieces. Grief is a process that overtime becomes intertwined with your reality and you learn how to embrace each day with grit and grace. You muster up the courage to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other and face the world. 

Although I believe it was Emy’s appointed time to go home to heaven, and I have peace in that, it does not stop my mind from wondering what caused this. I will continue advocating for more research into the cause and prevention of these “unexplained” deaths. We must be the voice for these children gone too soon and their families. We must stop this “unexplained” category of death. We must make this topic a priority of conversation so others can learn more and come alongside us to raise more awareness. I will never stop honoring Emy’s memory. I will let the love of Jesus shine in and through me to be the light in the darkness for others. Let’s be the sunshine together and bring light into this dark world! Mommy loves you and misses you so much Emersyn Grace. This foundation is dedicated to you, my precious sunshine!